5 days post-op

It is 4:08 am I have spent the last 7 hours tossing and turning trying to find a comfortable position to be in.  I have 5 suture areas that are super itchy as they heal and my body begins to reject the stitches. I am perplexed with still having gas pain in between my shoulder blades. I am debating taking another pain med, I hate how they make me feel.

Many times throughout the night my loving husband wakes up in a state of panic making sure I am okay.  Sometimes I am unable to fake the smile that allows him to fall back into his peaceful sleep. 

I succumb to the pain and reach for comfort.   As I attempt to get out of bed Nick awoke as he always does grabbed my hand and said "I will fight every fight with you". I kissed his forehead and assured him I was okay and headed down the stairs.  I have this feeling similar to guilt that he is always so worried about me.  He shouldn't have to worry.  I often find myself lying to him about how much pain I am really in.  That isn't fair I just don't want to be that wife who complains all of the time.  

I am having a strong desire to fill my spiritual cup.  I don't know where I want to attend church I only know where I don't want to attend church.  Guess I need to pray about it.